Beauty & the Beast - When Making You Pretty Hurts Like A Beast

There is this thing where when you hurt you want to look pretty doing it. Don't ask me why, but ouchy AND ugly is a bad combination. I mean, at least look gorgeous in your pain.

For years I have struggled with the dilemma of my prioritization of my looks over how I am feeling. Given that fibromyalgia is worsened by the use of lots of salicylates (read "plants") either internally or externally, it makes looking pretty pretty painful.

For example, lately I've been using Wild Mexican Yam. This product does great things. Gives you great energy. Gives you great boobs. Gives you great boobs. Give you back pain. So here I am on day 3 of using it (again) and the pain in my back is just out of control. Stiff, muscles aching, all stuck together. It will take a few days of lots of guaifenisen to get rid of the effects. And yet. I continue.

It's really hard to shop for products that don't have plants in them. Incredibly hard. For that reason, I use a very restricted list of products. Or I suffer the pain. I switch back and forth. It's just soooo wonderful to sit down and have a Clarins makeover. And buy a bunch of products, because they make your skin look SO fresh and clean. And then you use them and wake up with an achy-breaky-back, and there, whoops, you did it again. You put beauty first, and here is the beast.

Lately I've been trying to get nearly 100% natural products that do the same thing. Or ones with few chemicals & a base product that is awesome. Like Queen Helene Cocoa Butter lotion for my body and face. Just FANTASTIC. Best lotion I have ever used. You can see the difference in my skin in just one application.

And plain cocoa butter, which I use in the stick and wipe around my eyes. The jury is still out, but I think this product is removing that little annoying wrinkle in the inside corner of my eye. I will let you know.

Vitamin E, Cocoa Butter, Shea Butter, these are all great beauty products that are pain-free. Ah that they did more.

I don't have an answer for the beauty-beast dilemma. It also applies to clothes. Yes, here again, ugly is not an option when you feel like he**. Perhaps I will cover clothes later. Or not. I don't have an answer for that either.

But I will say this, if you are like me, keep seeking those products and clothes that make you feel pretty, oh so pretty, without the pain. I'm sure they are out there. I just don't know where...but I will share...if I become aware.

When You're Crying a River - At Work

A professional environment presents difficult challenges to chronic pain victims. We may have the most ergonomic environment that exists, but let's face it. Unless we're an athlete, these don't include ice packs, heat, massage therapists on-call and a specific goal of making sure we are fit and healthy.

Nobody really cares how you feel in a professional setting - your mind is supposed to still work. And your body. Yet you are supposed to need nothing outside of hard, nasty chairs (come on, which ergonomic chairs are made by LazyBoy?) to make you feel like 100%.

So you take this corporate America, add a crazy economy, being over-worked or over-stressed, throw in bad weather, make a Monday morning, and here you are, if you are me, crying at work. Not that home would be any better. Heck, I'd be crying at home too. But at least I get paid to cry here.

How to be most professional when you are at your worst?

1. Know your weaknesses. Thanks to people that like to tell me sh*t about myself, I know that apparently I am bitchy at work on Monday morning. So I do my best to stay away from people, healthy or not, when the week starts. Still, people seem to like me in spite of my fatal flaws, and seek me out to say hello, even though I'm hiding behind my sunglasses, computer & headphones. Oh well. I just try to talk cheerful and keep my face turned away. What else can you do.

2. Do the least you can & still get by. If you know you will be a poor performer Monday morning, T yourself up at the end of the week to look good & then just do as little as possible when you are about to lose it. Keep the pressure down. This may mean taking a lower-paying job, not flying all around the country, & getting rid of client contact in the morning. But heck. If you can't be your best, you won't keep the job. So find a job that allows you to be off at times, and especially on Monday morning.

3. Don't tell your boss. Beyond setting up an ergonomic workplace, required by law, and requesting religious accommodations (something entirely separate) there is very little you need to discuss with your boss. Co-workers, perhaps, especially if you are asking them to share some of your load. But keep in mind, anything you disclose can and will be used against you. Especially if you are a minority, i.e. a woman. It will get you nowhere to complain. Just keep your business to yourself. If you need to visit the doctor, go. But don't elaborate. Physical pain is a private thing and beyond legal protection, out-of-the-office coverage, and work-load restructuring, people do not need to know. Build a reputation for being known as a hard, smart, efficient worker, and people will give you slack when you (shockingly!) underperform,

4. Call in sick. If you would be better off at home, know you can't get it together, and will make yourself look bad by being at work, stay or go home. But if you're like me, and you know you will get better later on in the day (FMS apparently is a morning hormonal problem, exacerbated by the weather), then just be quiet & wait it out until you feel better. People will tend to remember the best of you, and the hard-working part of you, as long as it's a trend.

5. Cry it out. Like Tyra told the America's Next Top Model contestants, sometimes you just got to cry it out, otherwise you will look like you are about to cry all day long. Go to the bathroom & admit to yourself how bad you feel. Once you stop putting on a show for yourself, get out there all that fear & frustration, you will feel better emotionally, be less likely to take it out on others, and at least know what the hell you are crying about.

Being professional in pain is a whole new challenge. Luckily as a performer I've learned a bit of professional armor. I don't like to carry it around all the time, but sometimes you just need to smile through your tears. Other people will never understand. Don't try to make it happen, just cry your river & watch the flowers grow.

When Your Pain Is the Energizer Bunny - & You Can't Kill the Wabbit

The worst feature about chronic pain is that it just keeps on going...and going....and going....and going...and going....and going...and going....

And this will sound really crass, but if you aren't on the verge of death, nobody really cares.

But you.

The wearing factor of chronic pain is something I have considered for years. It is perhaps the most insidious and damaging aspect of pain. Not the fact that it EXISTS, but the fact that it WON'T STOP.

...(more to come)

When You Are "Type A" But Your Job is Recovery

FMS-ers with high personal motivation have a big problem. We ARE our success. I mean, were. Until our bodies gave out, we prided ourselves in how much we could do in how little time. (We being me, since this may not apply to you.)

Overachievers with illness have a big problem: ourselves. We are cranked up to produce, and taking away our production is tantamount to ending our lives. So what to do when your body refuses what your mind commands?

Change your commander.

Lying here in bed this morning, I realized that my body was not up to what my mind wanted to do. Yet again. But then I realized - my JOB is to recover.

My new title should be "Search & Rescue Queen." Because my new job is to recover - ME.

It takes a whole new mindset to decide that you are indeed destined to - take care of yourself. For an other-centric personality, this seems just plain selfish. "Take care of whom? ME? But there is so much else to be done in the world."

Yet Operation Recovery must commence because there is no other way. When your body gives out, your mind has to get with the (new) program. You just can't be everything to everyone anymore. Or even to yourself.

You have to recover you. You have to discover you. And then, maybe, you will be well enough some day to rescue someone else. But until then, it's all about you, baby.

So lay back & relax & think about what you need to day to Recover Yourself. Make it happen for you. After all, after all those other-centric days, you DO deserve it...

And if you want to get religious about it, don't forget it's embedded in Stone: "Love your neighbor as ... ... ... yourself."

LoveSickHatred - When Someone You Love Hates Your Sick

"You are old. You are sick. Nobody will want you." So went the words to me from somebody who I was in a relationship with. Sombody who said they loved me. Like perhaps, the day before.

[Pause for Shock & Awwww break]

[Yup, still pausing...]

Sadly, I'm not the only girl to face this startling reality, although probably the only one to actually read it in an email intended for - her. Most people in life have some sort of social filter that prevents such thoughts from actually coming out of their, um, fingers.

Chronic illness is no fun for anyone. Most of all for ouchy you. Least of all for the guy that starts off fantacizing about how perfect life with you will be. And even if you've warned him, it's a hard fall from fantasy to reality when beautiful, sexy, fun women - such as me - are involved.

What do you do next, after encountering yet another relationship down the drain because you can't convince someone in the beginning you're not a good bet, but they want you to be? You learn.

Here's what you learn:

1. Figure out what kind of relationship YOU need, so that your physical needs are met. Sorry you gotta drop the want out of this, your body will trump your wants every time.

2. Set your life up so that when you need someone, they are safe, kind, and available. As in the case above, this means specifically excluding people who either put you on a pedestal or knock you down. You need people grounded in reality who are loving.

3. Strength is in numbers. You will need a bunch of these people. So that when you wear some out, others are there. For you. Get your different needs met with different people. For a few years now I have maintained what I call a "portfolio of men." These safe, kind and loving guys have seen me at my worst, but still love me. They might not have committed to spending the rest of the time until they get bored with me (the 2000s version of "life") but they have shown they are available when they can be. As one of them said to me recently, "I care about you to the extent that you are ok." Sound sketchy to you? Not me. That is music to my ears. It is precisely when I am NOT ok that I need someone. Baby we have a match.

4. Be selective & keep your business to yourself. The minute anyone, romantic or otherwise, says anything like "Suck it up!" Or "You sure its not all in your head?" Run. Sprint. Fly. Jump. Whatev. Or just stop talking. The weather? Fine. Their kids? Fine. Your illness? Now off topic. Trust me on this one. These people tell THEMSELVES these things so year after year you will hear the same thing. You won't like it any
better time 5 than now.

5. Give up on a traditional relationship. Yeah, life's a bitch. You can't have what everyone else does, so just embrace an alternate relationship pattern. That is, unless of course you have found the magic elixir that I haven't yet. In which case, post please!

6. If you are in a relationship, reassess. Are you in more pain because your needs are not met? Is someone making fun of you? Are you being abused? Are your (older) kids, mate, pets getting the only "feel-good" energy you have? Take a good look at the patterns you have set up or accepted and see a therapist about how to reprioritize yourself. After babies and small children, your pain comes first. And no, not even Kitty needs an exception.

7. When you go to enter a new relationship, set expectations immediately. Learn how to express yourself in positive ways. (Remember the post I wrote called Never Complain, Never Explain? Yeah, it goes for romance too. "Hey baby I gotta run." "Nah, I need to sleep alone in my bed. Tonite. Forever. We'll get two rooms." "Food? You hungry? Let's go OUT!" Be yourself from the beginning. Give your new prospective partner a chance to know how to deal with you, and train him/her in a positive fashion.

8. Recaliber your reality. When you accept that life is a bitch, you will eventually understand how to function on your own, emotionally, without requiring a sole (yeah, as in single) mate. If you revolutionize how you see life, it will open up your reality to all types of new possibilities. You will find a strength in yourself to let others go find their reality. "You don't like being with me who is sick? Gosh dang it. I don't either. Go find someone who is FUN for you!" And shove them out the door. Nicely. Then get on with the business of taking care of YOU, finding a support group for YOU, and having YOUR type of fun.

9. When you cry, and you will, don't cry alone. Get a buddy who knows your pain, and like my precious half-neice, "gets it." Text a friend, contact your "ouchy" buddy, and generally, build a network of beautiful, shiny, happy people that are in pain and still living a zestful life. Because then, you will KNOW you can make it.

10. To reiterate #3, like they say about raising children, pain takes a village. Build yours.

So remember that "Nobody will want you" statement I was told? Guess the universe didn't hear that yet. Got a text just the other day from a good-looking sexy, single guy about how BADLY I was wanted. Since I may not be alive to see tomorrow, we'll just go with today.

I may be sick. I may be getting old. But dang it, somebody WANTS me!

Earthing - My Amazon.com Review of this Ground-breaking Product

Since this review says it best, here it is...followed by a response from the co-author!

This 5-star review is my assessment of: Earthing: The Most Important Health Discovery Ever? (Paperback) as posted on Amazon.com.

"I have had FMS and ligament injury for more than 20 years from being a violinist & well, being sick. I just started a blog called Pain With Joy to try & let people know what techniques I use to be happy while I'm gritting my teeth with pain. I'm so experienced with pain-treatment that others, even with MS, have asked me to tell my strategies for coping.

I was sitting here reading these reviews, and thought to myself, well, heck, I have a grounding pad that was sent to me as a gift, let's just put that exactly where my back pain is RIGHT NOW, and while I'm reading this, see how this works.

You won't believe this, because I don't either, but my pain in my back has nearly disappeared in less than 10 minutes. This is knife-stabbing pain, that I have felt for more than 20 years, in my right shoulder, probably from many years of violin playing (that's my bowing arm).

When it comes to pain products, I really don't believe anything anyone says anymore. My strategies for pain relief are "I will try anything, just give it to me." I don't care what anyone says about cures, since they either work or they don't.

I can tell you, this one does. I have been sleeping on it for a while at night under my sheet (not the best way), and have been sitting on it at work (again, with clothes between), but until now I didn't try it against bare skin and put it to the test on significant pain. I'm impressed.

Read the book if you want to be psychologically convinced. Try the Earthing pads next to your bare skin if you want to be physically convinced. If it doesn't work for you, come back and post here...I would love to hear who it doesn't work for.

I'm not expecting healing from FMS or pain relief forever, or even a cure. Heck, I'm not even expecting to be able to play the violin again, ever, without pain. Which sucks, because I was good. But heck, a few minutes of pain-free existence, after 24/7 of intense pain since I was 18? Yes, thank you."

Author comments:



Martin Zucker says:


"Dear Boston Chick:

"Is it possible that Earthing could open the door to you playing the violin again? I don't know your circumstances beyond what you wrote in your review, however, here is a story from a California woman that may inspire you to try, or any musicians for that matter who have had to prematurely put down their instruments because of pain and discomfort.

"I am an amateur pianist and 3 years ago purchased a Steinway. I immediately started playing it about 4 hours a day. The stiffness of the pedals caused me to experience great pain in my right leg. My chiropractor worked on it off and on. I could only practice 10 minutes at a time due to the pain. A bummer for waiting 66 years to get a Steinway! A year ago I started playing music by Mompou, and the hand positions are horrid. My right hand also started to hurt and I practiced with bandages etc. Sometimes I resorted to left hand practice alone. Around thanksgiving I reread Earthing, taking more time, and suddenly I got the idea to practice barefoot and put an electrode on the palm of my right hand. I also put a band on a large hematoma [sp?] Igot on my right arm from a bad blood draw. I immediately could put in 3 hours on the piano."

"By electrode, the writer was referring to an EKG-type patch that you adhere near or on the source of discomfort on your body. You then snap on an Earthing cord and plug the other end into the ground port (third hole) of a properly grounded wall outlet nearby. The band works similarly. Both the patch and the band, when connected, allow free electrons from the Earth's surface to come into your body and do the wonderful kinds of things we describe in the Earthing book. The patch and the bands provide a more proximal influx of electrons to the source of pain/stiffness/discomfort, etc. Therefore, people often feel local benefits sooner. I suggest you may want to check into the patches and bands at www.earthing.com

Best wishes
Martin Zucker, co-author of the Earthing book"

[Editor's note: Of course the pain has come back again, but heck. If the earthing pad will keep it at bay, and that's the best I can get, I will settle for that!]

What's New: Earthing, Chyawanprash & Magnesium

Here's what I'm trying now...

- Earthing - OMG, this is amazing. If you haven't checked this out, you should run, not walk, to buy one of these & sit on it all day long & lay on it all night long...

- Chyawanprash, 1 TBS after lunch - Something I tried a few months ago that really revved up my energy. Sexually. If you know what I mean...so I'm back for round 2...and 3, and 4... :)

- Magnesium, 500 mg after lunch - The bottle says "Muscle & Nerves" What's not to like?